Friday, September 10, 2010


My grandmother, "Maw Maw," was the biggest hypochondriac I've ever met in person. She thought every ache was something I think I totally inherited this from her. Mom would even tell me, "Stop being Maw Maw," while I fretted that a freckle was cancer, or thought my headache meant a tumor, etc. etc.

But. Now there is Web MD. There are also numerous TV shows that have the power to send hypochondriac worry warts into a psychotic frenzy. I'm now aware of diseases, ailments, and parasites that I had no idea existed before.

Exhibit A:

I Didn't Know I was Pregnant. Honestly, this show terrifies me into believing that I should take a pregnancy test every day. "I couldn't be pregnant," these ladies all said. Period came? Well, it could really be "spotting," and not a period at all. No baby bump? Some women don't gain more than a few pounds, and babies can be tucked back against your ribcage. Took birth control every single day? Well, it's 99.3 percent effective, but somebody's gotta be that .7 percent, sweetie. I once saw a woman on this show deliver TWINS on her toilet seat. Terrifying.

Exhibit B:

Mystery Diagnosis. WTF. This show totally introduces the concept that something may indeed, be horribly and insanely wrong with you, but you may have to go through 10 doctors who say, "It's nothing," or "It's all in your head," before you find the one, genius saving-grace who remembered reading about this disease that only 3 people in history have ever had. Pure torture.

Exhibit C:

Dr. G, Medical Examiner. Now, I know what you're thinking. This lady cuts open dead people to find out why they died. EXACTLY. So there is the possibility that you can DIE from something you didn't even realize you had. Oh that indigestion grandpa felt before bed? That wasn't heartburn dear, that was a heart attack. You felt a twinge in your leg after your flight? Killer blood clot that traveled straight to the brain. And now you're dead, which is totally too late to do anything about it.

Exhibit D:
Monsters Inside Me. Animal Planet couldn't leave all the craziness to TLC and Discovery, oh no. It had to come up with its own brand of terrifying madness. Namely, to demonstrate that we can be riddled with crazy parasites, worms, and bugs that nest in our bodies. And I thought catching lice in 3rd grade was disgusting. Now I have to hear about clips like "Maggots in my Head." Oh. My. God.

Now, I have a husband and a dog to worry after. Those poor, poor creatures. :)

Love, Steph


  1. Haha. A few years back I was tired to the extreme. I laid on the couch for eternity and remember crying because my pelvic bones hurt. Intense pain. Almost like child birth. I just knew I was dying of cancer. And know the story of my chest herp. Haha. I'm a hypochondriac too. Pretty sure that I have my hips, knees, and elbows.

  2. I don't buy the I didnt know I was pregnant. I have been pregnant twice now...and I couldn't pass the foot kicking my rib off as gas...I could see the freaking toes.